Drink a twelve pack with Jack Daniels chasers. Puke all over yourself and the shirt. Fall down the stairs onto the muddy lawn. Roll around. Stagger back into the crib and drink some more.
WARNING: DO NOT DRIVE!
That will distress the car instead of the sick Tshirt. If you want your shirt to look newer longer, wash it inside out in cold water to protect the screen printing and the puke. Your satisfaction's guaranteed!
Care and Feeding of sick Tshirts